At least I am trying very hard.
I am trying to get divorced.
I am trying to move out of my home so that my husband can move back in. I am looking for a job and I am trying to be a good role model for my children even as all these changes are taking place.
We have a two family house with a first floor apartment that we have rented out for many years. It just so happened that the tenant moved out about three months ago, so that the apartment became empty.
Over Yom Tov, we had a full house. My boys were home from Yeshiva for many weeks, and my daughter came with her husband and 2 babies, and also my husbands son and his wife and baby came too. We were bursting at the seams as far as sleeping space, and it made sense to use the empty apartment downstairs.
Last week my lawyer told me that he got a call from the "Rosh Yeshivah" stating that I should be aware that he will be sending my daughter a bill for sleeping in the apartment.
He can send her bills for the rest of his life if thats what he chooses to do.
The part that upset me is that he (brother in law) actually took the time from his busy schedule of being a Rosh Yeshivah to call my attorney to make a threat.
What does he find within himself to use his soul to threaten a woman (myself) who is struggling to get back on her feet?
Where, as a "Ben Toirah" (which is how he refers to himself) does it say that he should pester and annoy and frighten a woman?
It is now a week later and I am taking it with a grain of salt.
But I still ask why?
On Thursday, my husband suffered a small heart attack. I heard this through the grapevine as he is trying his utmost to keep it a secret. I was shocked when I heard this news, and I immediately felt guilty, almost as though it was I who had caused it. After talking it out with friends I of course realized how ludicrous that idea was that I may be guilty.
Of course illness is always from Hashem, and I trust that He knows why this happened at this time.
I feel sorry for my husband, because he is truly alone.
I hope he will begin to understand how important is his relationship with our children.
They love him, but they are afraid of him.
He doesn't "get it" for the most part- doesn't understand each child's needs and insecurities- there is so much he doesn't understand. I hope that once everything is settled, he will begin to work on his relationships with each one.
They still need a father- an understanding one.
Even after everything he has done to me I still have pity on him.