Thank you dear readers for your comments.
You give me courage you really do, so thank you for sharing in this journey of mine.
Things on the divorce end are quiet.
Small situations flare up here and there, but I have learned not to allow them to create a negative impact on me. My husband wants some of the kids to visit him upstate for a week or more. I encouraged them to go and spend time with their father. So the very next day one of my sons told me that he wants to go to the mountains but that Tatty told him that once he is there he can only leave when he gets permission from him and that he cannot call mommy and ask to picked up.
My son was clearly upset and confused about whether he wanted to go or not. And then to make matters worse I got a text from my husband saying; "I may come in to the city either today, tomorrow or whenever, or I may not come at all but make sure the kids are ready".
I immediately realized that I no longer had to play his games.
In the past I would have panicked and rushed to prepare everything so that the moment he "decided" to arrive I would be ready. This time however- using my new found skills I sent him a text informing him that before I allowed any of the children to drive up to the mountains with him he would have to talk to me directly and plan appropriately.
I could not believe it when he called me very soon after.
We actually had a decent conversation- which is the first time we have talked in a normal fashion since we separated a year ago. I offered to drive them up to the bungalow but that he would need to pay for the gas. He immediately argued and said that I should find a ride for them, because there was no way he was going to pay for my gas!
To cut a long story short I agreed to his demand that "its only fair for each of us to pay one way".
After I told this to a friend, she said that if he wants to see his kids then it makes sense that he should pay for their transportation. After thinking about it I realized she had a good point. So I sent my husband one more text telling him that if I drove then he would have to pay for the gas.
Lo and behold he agreed!
In the end he came in and took one of the kids.
The others are in day camp and they don't even know if they want to go.
All is well that ends well, and I pray that this new line of communication with my husband will continue for ever and ever.