I have been feeling a little down. I dont like to talk about it, because I want my posts to be upbeat and positive. I want to encourage and inspire. But I need to be honest with myself and with all of you, and the truth of today is that i am feeling sad and alone in my struggle. I probably should try to work out what caused me to feel this way, but I dont have the emotional energy to do so. Instead I sit and feel sorry for myself which has no toeles....but I do it anyway.
On a brighter note; Today my daughter had a choir performance in her school. Of course I went to watch her and to take the videos. She had a solo, which she sang beautifully. She stood up on the stage and with confidence and ease, her sweet voice flowed out into the audience. I kept the tears behind my eyes, but I felt so sad and grateful all at the same time. The sadness stemming from my own lost childhood. The fact that I couldnt stand on stage with self assurance and sing with joy the way my sweet little girl can. My relationship with my children is always tainted with both joy and sorrow. I watch one of them play, or ride a bike with abandon, smooth hair flying into the air beyond, small legs twisting round and round on the bicycle pedals. A sharp pain shoots through my soul- sadness for the little girl deep inside myself who was never given the chance to run, jump and play with the innocence that is the right of every child.
On a brighter note; Today my daughter had a choir performance in her school. Of course I went to watch her and to take the videos. She had a solo, which she sang beautifully. She stood up on the stage and with confidence and ease, her sweet voice flowed out into the audience. I kept the tears behind my eyes, but I felt so sad and grateful all at the same time. The sadness stemming from my own lost childhood. The fact that I couldnt stand on stage with self assurance and sing with joy the way my sweet little girl can. My relationship with my children is always tainted with both joy and sorrow. I watch one of them play, or ride a bike with abandon, smooth hair flying into the air beyond, small legs twisting round and round on the bicycle pedals. A sharp pain shoots through my soul- sadness for the little girl deep inside myself who was never given the chance to run, jump and play with the innocence that is the right of every child.
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