In the mean time we have been in court for child support, but nothing has been finalized, So on one hand I have a welfare case opened with the city, while at the same time I am in court. I have to do the cash assistance thing because who knows if he will end up giving us money. Even if the court demands that he pay, theoretically he could make up so many excuses that in the end my children and I will be left with nothing, (which has been his preference all along).
I need alot of Chizuk to get myself through this. My Rabbi has given me some music to listen to when i feel very anxious. It does help a bit. Plus the fact that he calls me to ask how we are doing, and if there is any way he can be of assistance to myself and my kids.
It is a Brocho from Hashem that I have someone like him who has never given up supporting me- even through the most difficult situations. I do not know why I deserve such an amazing person like my Rabbi. But he is there, and he is keeping me strong and capable.
I will listen to the music tonight, and say an extra prayer to Hashem to grant me a more positive outlook towards the new day of tomorrow.