I would not fall into his trap of fighting forever and ever.
We have children-yes, but that doesn’t give him a heter to torture me using our children as his weapon. We have been separated but a couple of months and he has used every spare moment to find ways to harass and bother me.
He comes up with ingenious ideas- sometimes I am surprised and I can even look beyond and laugh at myself- can he still GET me? But other times he does get me, he knows which buttons to push, and push them he does.
His latest onslaught is our sons Bar-Mitzvah. He caused much unneeded anxiety by telling Shimmee that mommy should buy his Bar-Mitzvah suit, and hats etc etc. He knows that he has left us penniless and he also knows that in the end he will buy him what he needs…..so why torture the kid???
He finally bought him what he needed and Shimmee is thrilled.
Next plan of attack is where the Bar Mitzvah will take place, who we will invite and on and on.
I vowed not to argue.
I promised myself I would go along with whatever he wants. He is paying let him do it the way he wants. I am not a fighter and I just want him away from me and out of my life.
So what does he do…he tells my son that he’s planning on making the Kiddush in a different place than we have had for my other boys. A small hall, which he will get at no cost- he will make a minyan consisting of ten people, and he will not make invitations.
He goes on to tell him that he will make a seudah in a restaurant for 20 people only! He does not want to pay for people to eat a meal on his Cheshbon.
Shimmee comes home in tears. He tells me he doesn’t want a Bar Mitzvah anymore. He doesn’t want to lein, - he doesn’t want anything!
I refuse to stoop to his level. I will not fight his meanness and I will not play his games. My heart cries for Shimmee, but I know I am doing the right thing. I hug him and tell him he is a mature and brave boy, and that I love him very very much. I tell him that we will all do this together- mommy and all the other children. We will make Shimmee's Simcha happy, and nothing will spoil his special day.
It is the best I can do right now.
It is the only thing I can do.
I have no money, and no means to earn any at this time.
All I have is the love and security I can give to my children. I will always be honest with them, and I will teach them how to deal with their (sick) father in a respectful manner, but more importantly in a way that they do not end up getting hurt.
I have a lot to learn.
I am only at the beginning.
But I am hopeful that I will gain the tools and the knowledge to steer my children towards a calm and joyful existence.