(First Marriage to M)
A month later I found out I was pregnant. I was very happy, and I believed that now M would stop abusing me. Surely he would see that I was giving him a baby, and soon we would be a family. Alas it was not to be, because instead of stopping, his anger towards me worsened.
There was nothing I could do to make him happy. He found numerous reasons to fly into a rage, which would then lead to him punching, slapping and kicking me. I recall when I was about 6 months pregnant, and visibly showing he kicked me hard in my stomach. After that I was in constant fear that my baby had been damaged.
Then he began to threaten me. He told me that if I ever tell anyone what he is doing, he will kill me and my baby. I knew what he was capable of, so I kept my secret well.
M was careful, he never left any marks on my body that might be visible to the world outside. He was an instructor of martial arts, and he knew where to place his punches. I had black and blue marks on my upper arms and thighs. He never touched my face, or lower legs and arms. My pain was hidden beneath my clothes and deep inside my soul.
At that time I began to daven a lot. I had no human being to talk to- Hashem was my only source of comfort. Whenever M left me in a crumpled heap on the floor, I would crawl to my bed and pull out my Tehilim. I davened from the depths of my heart. I begged Hashem to save me from this monster. I cried an ocean of tears asking that Hashem bring me a Yeshuah,
Ten months after we got married I went into labor, and M and his mother took me to the hospital. They refused to allow me to call my own mother to tell her that I was about to give birth. I wanted her to be with me, but M was adamant that only his mother remain present.
As I went into active labor, M and his mother stood over my bed and told me in no uncertain terms that I had better not make a sound while I was having this baby. M told me that if I so much as cry out he I would be severely punished. I was scared because I had experienced his punishments once too many times.
I was in labor for about 12 hours, and through those hours of agony, I made not a sound. Barely a whisper drew forth from my mouth. The pain was tremendous, but M’s threats were much worse.
After I had been taken to my room, M came to tell me he was leaving and then he leaned forward and in a loud whisper told me that I had given birth to a mouse. That my baby looked so disgusting what kind of mother was I to give birth to such a creature.
Needless to say I spent the next two days crying inconsolably. I knew my baby was perfect but the wickedness of his words penetrated deeply and I could not be consoled.