One of the most difficult things for me as a survivor is the fact that I get triggered so easily. Those of you who have been in therapy will understand the meaning of this concept. I have been working for many years on recovery from the sexual abuse I suffered as a young child, never realizing that being in an ongoing abusive marriage served as a trigger from the past trauma. In other words, as long as I was allowing myself to be abused emotionally, and yes unfortunately sexually too, I could not heal from my childhood trauma.
Today i felt an overwhelming sense of sadness. I often have difficulty trying to connect the sadness or any emotion for that matter to an actual event. This makes the sorrow all the more profound and confusing. My kids want to know why mommy is so sad today? What can i tell them? I have no answers. What do you tell your children? That a Rabbi molested me when I was a child, and now years later I still feel the pain and sorrow?
I cannot do that - I cannot tell my children what happened to me.
How can I burden them with this terrible knowledge?
So many questions...and not very many good answers.
I live with the pain, and yet I have much joy in my life too. I have my children and my friends. I am an artist and I use my creative talent to express my pain as well as my feelings of happiness and joy.
Sometimes the pain and pleasure get confused. But I live with that too.
I hope and pray that tomorrow will lessen the pain,
Today i felt an overwhelming sense of sadness. I often have difficulty trying to connect the sadness or any emotion for that matter to an actual event. This makes the sorrow all the more profound and confusing. My kids want to know why mommy is so sad today? What can i tell them? I have no answers. What do you tell your children? That a Rabbi molested me when I was a child, and now years later I still feel the pain and sorrow?
I cannot do that - I cannot tell my children what happened to me.
How can I burden them with this terrible knowledge?
So many questions...and not very many good answers.
I live with the pain, and yet I have much joy in my life too. I have my children and my friends. I am an artist and I use my creative talent to express my pain as well as my feelings of happiness and joy.
Sometimes the pain and pleasure get confused. But I live with that too.
I hope and pray that tomorrow will lessen the pain,
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