Dear Teacher, principal, educator:

Not too many years ago, I was a student in your school. I was the “normal” girl in school. I did well in school, had many friends, attended and sometimes headed your programs and productions. I had an extremely positive experience in your school, and only carry warm memories with me of my years there.

You always encouraged us to have close relationships with our teachers, yet most were older, and therefore hard to relate to on a personal level. There was one particular young, married teacher which caught the students’ attention. She was a great teacher-  young, active, and most importantly she cared for each and every student. Everyone knew that if you wanted something taken care of, you went to this teacher. She was there for everything you needed- talking to the principal for you, helping you through a personal struggle, and even sending you to therapy. She was the go-to person for everything. Since she always did take care of most requests, she quickly built up her reputation as one of “those” that you can really “trust.”

And trust I did. From the very moment she started a conversation with me on a school Shabbaton, we built a strong, trusting relationship. She was my advisor, educator, and mentor. She guided me through every decision I made for the next three years. What to do in the summers, which seminary to go to, and what job to take the years after. She dedicated so many hours of her time to me, that I followed her almost blindly. She was an adult, a mechaneches, a respected unbiased opinion as an educator in my life, why should I NOT listen to her?

Needless to say, I became extremely close to her.

Then came the year after seminary. G-d’s Ways took me to an out-of-town country for a year. She was not very pleased about that decision, but it’s what had to be done. The summer before I left, she dropped the bomb shell: she had cancer and was dying. The doctors had only given her a few more months to live. She told me this because we were so close, and she wanted me to be aware of what was going on, especially since I was going to be so far away. She did have one personal request, that since she did not want her students to find out, or anyone’s pity…she wanted to keep these facts private, I should not to tell anyone.  

To say that I was heart-broken is an understatement. The person I cared so much about was terminally ill, and I would not even be able to spend the last few weeks/months of her life near her. Furthermore, I had to carry the burden of the worry, pain, and fear all by myself because I, of course, wanted to respect her privacy.

Throughout the summer I tried everything I could to change my next year plans, but G-d had other plans for me, and at the end of the summer I was on my flight to another continent.

As soon as the year began, my life began turning upside down. Her sickness took over her life, and mine. Since I had requested that she keep me updated on her health status, she did. Her situation worsened by the minute. She was having daily chemo sessions and blood transfusions. As the year went along it went on from being hard but bearable to literally unbearable. Since her situation was so chronic, and I was so far, I was worried sick for her life every single second of my day. My job, relationships with friends, siblings and parents were all of secondary importance to what was going on with my dear mentor thousands of miles away. She updated me through text at least once a minute. If it wasn’t about her heart, it was about her breathing. If it wasn’t about her blood, it was about her diminishing eye sight. If it wasn’t a heart attack, it was coma for a few hours. If I did not receive any sign of life from her, be it via text, email, or calls I assumed the worse. When she went in for long operations, or when she knew she would be “going down” for a few hours, she would make her sister or father text me from her phone. I received all this information day after day, hour after hour, minute after minute. And I had to keep it all to myself. I wanted to cry all day, but couldn’t because I was sworn to secrecy. So I let it all out at night into my pillow, because who can sleep for longer than a few minutes anyways if a person that means so much to you, whom your life is revolving around, might die while you sleep?

I walked around like a zombie, feeling like I was carrying a million bricks on my shoulders, while attempting to balance the rest of my responsibilities at the same time.

Throughout all this time, she was always very encouraging.  She begged me to allow her to help me through these struggles. If she had given me this challenge, at least she should help me through it. She encouraged me to talk about my hurt, to write about the intense pain that was eating me up alive. She promised me the world. She promised me that she was going to fight this, for me. That she was going to survive, for me. That she was going to beat this cancer, for me. Because she loved me, like a mother loves a child. That every time I spoke to her, or fought with her, I was giving her more strength to fight this cancer. When her numbers where low, I was asked to speak to her because, miraculously, her numbers would go up. When the fight got too hard, she asked me to remind her why it was all worth her fight, and remind her I did. My life became about saving hers. I would do anything, ANYTHING, to save her life. If it meant texting her throughout the night, talking to her while she was in a coma (and I hoped she heard), reminding her that she has someone to live for, to fight for, or sending her gifts, whatever was needed, I was there to give it.

She also helped me. I was, of course, crumbling under the pressure and she had a very unique way of supporting me. She would pretend that she was with me, whether via text, email, or phone calls, and what started out as emotional and spiritual guidance, went to imaginary hugs, holding hands… etc.

Towards the later months, she promised to visit me. Her doctors were allowing this to be her “dying wish” and she was going to do it. But she needed my help. I had to talk to her through the nights, encourage her and at times, use the same “imaginary” techniques she used to help me.

But from her hug and hand-holding, it went a lot farther. Before I knew it, I was being sent the most descriptive, repulsive, physical acts that she either needed from me or wanted to do to me.

I was too emotionally exhausted to put an end to this. After all, she’s a respected teacher in our mosdos. She is going through a really hard time and chose me to share this with! Also, it was only texts. She probably did not mean them, and I was willing to write or read anything that was going to get her to come visit me so I can see her alive and well.

Let me just take a moment to point out that throughout all of this, my siblings and parents were concerned and did ask me many times what was going on. She, however, rationalized their behavior by saying that they are treating me like a baby, were not trusting me to deal with life on my own, and they were not respecting my request for privacy. All in all, they were the mean guys, and she was going to save me from them. Of course, I believed her.

Also, I would like to reinstate that she was (and unfortunately to many still is) an extremely respected educator in her city’s school system. She was (and is) thought to be frum but “down to earth”, a normal and compassionate woman who was recommended to many young girls as a mentor and friend.

She finally came to visit. My excitement was unsurpassed. I was counting down the hours, hoping that she’d make it through a plane ride alive, while at the same time praying that things would get a little more normal once I got to see her face to face.

I went to pick her up in the airport, and when we got home, all she wanted to know is if “she came across the ocean just so that she can sit on her bed, and I can sit on mine.”  I will spare you the horrifying details of what went on after that. Night after night, for her entire stay there. I was so emotionally warped, in her utter control, and unable to do anything about it. I suffered for hours, praying for the moment she’d leave me alone, or someone would call me to interrupt. She made me feel like the dirtiest most worthless piece of garbage. There were moments were I just begged G-d to make this stop, one way or another, I wasn’t going to be specific. I was petrified that anyone would find out. I was even more scared that she would realize that I hated her, and that it would make her die. But most of all, I was scared at what had happened to me. I lost myself. I hated myself. I lost everything. My family, my friends, my sense of self and my belief in anything that I had known up until that moment.  

Not long after she left, I saw my father, and realizing that things in my life had hit the lowest point, he encouraged me to go for therapy.

Had it not been for my incredibly supportive parents, siblings, friends and therapist, I do not know where I would be today.  I would probably still be in the unhealthiest of relationships, with not a chance at having a healthy marriage.

Need I add, her entire story of being sick was made up. I’m no idiot, she’s just a heck of a con-artist. This woman suffers from a mental disease where she fakes illness to play on the emotions of others and get what she wants from them (for me, it is now obvious what she wanted all along). This woman, a notable figure in the community, who taught me and many others, mentored me and many others, was and is a very sick person.

I’m not telling you this story to scare you, to threaten you or to traumatize you. I am not going through these painful events in my life to get your sympathy, empathy or understanding nods. I am here, to tell you a story that, although is unique in many ways, is so common in many others. You have heard it from so many speakers, articles, etc… the rate of sexual abuse within girls – whether by men or women- is getting higher in an alarmingly fast pace.

I used to be that girl who heard these stories, felt bad for the victim, and moved on with my life. I did so because the reality is too scary to deal with. Too harsh to think about. Too traumatizing to contemplate. Yet, not more than a few years later, how I wish someone WOULD have educated me about this. That someone would have made me think about it, would have made me aware of the signs. I wish that someone would have taken the time to teach me what to look out for, what to protect myself from, and what to be aware of.  I was just a young innocent girl, who was taken advantage of by an adult educator. I should, and could have been more prepared.

The ” trauma”  we are protecting the majority of girls from by not informing them about these harsh realities is not worth the repercussions.

These are all our girls, and like me, they are our friends, our sisters, our daughters. How are we going to protect them? How will you make sure that the next girl will be more prepared than I was? How will you make sure that not a single girl has to ever go through what I did? How?!?

I beg you, I plead with you, educate our girls. Educate the parents. Educate the teachers. We may not be able to stop the sick people, but we can definitely equip our girls with better skills to deal with it when it comes. 

Let’s raise the awareness. Together.   

"An Open Letter to Chabad from the victims of Stanley Levitt"
 
We, the undersigned, call upon the Rabbinical College of America in Morristown, NJ (RCA) and Chabad Worldwide to retract and rescind the Smicha (ordination) granted Stanley Z. Levitt (aka “Rabbi” Zusia Levitt)  in or around 1968 and ask that he be placed in Cherem.

Each of us has either direct knowledge or find it highly credible that Stanley used and uses his title of Rabbi to gain unfettered access to young boys in order to sexually assault them.  The three cases in Philadelphia, PA, including multiple charges each, several of which he plead “No Contest” to, are a matter of public record as are his sentences.  His deviant history spans more than forty years, five states and at least as many schools.  

He has never been married and to our knowledge has never expressed interest in a shidduch.  In other words, he does not even try to hide behind a farcical heterosexual relationship as many of his ilk do. While this might seem quite audacious for a coward who uses his rabbinic authority to coerce his helpless students to fulfill his homosexual urges, more likely it stems from a mistaken, but perhaps understandable, belief that what he does is "okay" in our (orthodox) community-at-large’s eyes.  Allegations elsewhere include taking three boys to The Bostoner Rebbe’s (people) mikva to tovel kaylim.  He stripped naked and was fully aroused (indecent exposure).  He assaulted one boy as he lay in a hospital bed having just suffered the trauma of a maimed finger.  He toweled off a boy at a mikva.  These are but a few specific acts and facts known to the originator(s) of this document.

In today’s climate, where the Orthodox community is (far too) rife with “rabbis” who are pedophiles and allegations of their misconduct, your failure to address this one case might be considered an oversight.  However, failure to respond quickly and publicly to our request will be considered a condoning of Stanley’s behavior.  Chabad’s mission of kiruv is certainly not served by having one such as him among your Rabbis.  In fact, he has caused irreparable damage to so many n’fashot and ruchot and has singlehandedly  served to push them-and perhaps generations to come- far away from Yiddishkeit. We, of course would welcome an investigation on your part and would be happy to cooperate in any way possible.

Survivors of abuse of Stanley Levitt

March 30th, 2011T

to those who do not care,
 
i am a young women of 25 from what is to be considered an ultra orthodox home and community. 


I AM A SURVIVOR. And as you should be well aware, The horrors of growing up in a home which was unsafe and still till this day remains so are none like you can imagine. From being physically and emotionally being abused by my parents teachers and peers to having been orally raped and molested by my older brother for a number of years and god knows what else happened in that house, to finding out my younger brother has been abusing other children amongst them my baby sister. I have learned some hard lessons and one of those is that the jew is not my friend, this so kindly taught to me by you my fellow jew. 

My father walked in on my brother undressing me I was about 12 yrs old and my brother was unbuttoning my shirt not a commendable act for any boy or man to be doing to a child and definitely not something a yeshiva boy shoud be doing. My father took my brother and walked him out of the house and went to finish his shmone esrai he never said a word to me. When he finished davening he went to find my brother walked him around the block and gave him a little speech what was said I will never know. 

Yet the one thing I do know is noone ever said a word to me I remember hiding under a pile of freshly washed clothes in a laundry basket for hours until my grandparents who were with us for pesach started wondering where I was. This my friend is what I think about every pesach here comes another holiday I cannot enjoy a holiday where we should be celebrating our freedom and all the miracles god has done for us and continues to do for us. And all I want is to not have to celebrate not have to sit at someone elses table not have to put on a smile. Just this one year I want to sit home and not have to pretend to care abt something I do not. Instead I sit in a strangers home at a strangers table year after year hoping I will enjoy just a bit of this freedom. Instead I have memories of a penis stuffed down my throat of horror and dread of anger and guilt of shame and hatred. 

I have never said this to anyone before in fact the most anyone has ever heard is yes I was abused by my brother yes I have a witness and no there is no statute of limitations, but my father who has failed miserably at protecting me still holds himself on the wrong side of the fence. He wants so badly to believe his sons are innocent he, like so many others have been twisting the knife that was stuck in my back so many years ago over and over and over again. 


Thus some years later I felt I was ready to make sure my other siblings were safe, that my parents could no longer continue to emotionally and physically abuse and neglect them so I went to Rabbi S. at the suggestion of someone who was very close to me. Requesting Rabbi S's help in making sure the younger 2 would be safe. I tell Rabbi S I need his help and he tells me its to late. How do you think i feel Rabbi S when i come to you to ask you to take the children out of the home and you tell me its to late? Its to late because my younger brother is abusing other children including my sister. Rabbi S how do you think I felt knowing I was a survivor myself when you told me this? Did you ever call or check to see I as ok? Did you see what you could do? No instead I had to go and make the call when I heard my parents talking abt sending him off to another country the call you should have made to the authorities. 

Rabbi A. when I called you asking you to stop him from getting on that plane and you promised me you would and yet you did not, How did you think I felt? 

Therapist H. why did you not call the authorities when I told you he was leaving this country to make sure he cannot harm others and how can you Therapist H. as well ignore my request ignore the children our future and let my parents send him off so proudly to an unknowing yeshiva where guess what he may be still abusing children? Yet for some reason you all allowed this to happen allowed a child molester to leave the country and to continue on his path of destroying our future. 
Yes for the first time in my life I am blaming you My parents supposed Rabbi's , Teachers, and many a bad therapist, as not one of you has shown me that I can trust rely or expect anything different than more abuse.
Tonight I want to free myself of this and I R am handing over this terrible guilt, and shame I carry with me to you. As you whos job it is to protect the children and did not do so are the ones who should be ashamed and feel guilty, not I.

I want to walk away and say its over I have no reason to look over my shoulder no reason to be afraid anymore. They cannot hurt me anymore. As I am safe I am a survivor and they will never hurt me again. 

How is all this supposed to make a person feel? how is it supposed to help me keep faith in humanity at all? After being treated like an outcast for so many years unwanted and left out on the streets like a can of worms. Where where you bretheren? Where are you now? As time goes by and i get older i keep coming to the same realization that calling ourselves the chosen nation shouldnt we be taking care of our future generations shouldnt we hold the children in the highest regard like god does? On chanuka who did they send out to war the young ones uner bar and bat mitzva age why? Because there is something in the kol of yeladim. How can we call ourselves better than others when we cannot find it in ourselves to defend our children against monsters against 


I would like for you to make me understand why you stand down, how are you not ashame to walk the streets after all the things you have done and continue to do to protect my abuser and those of hundreds of other jewish children? How can you look at yourself in the mirror and not be disgusted by what u see? yes you have the apearance of an ehrliche yid and yes you have the name to but tell me make me understand how you can leave children mere children crying in their beds at night afraid of who may visit them who will threaten them next and who will take what little dignity they have left how can you sit idly by and watch as you and your friends kill hundreds of innocent young yidishe kinderlach every single day whether it be by shunning  them and their families who only want to protect our precious diamonds. how can you sit silently and watch as we destroy our own ppl our own future? we my dear friends are no better than hitler in fact we may be worse as we are destroying our own children our own flesh and blood. 

Every person lives in a bubble. All of us have a bubble that we built for ourselves from what we hear, what we know, and what we believe. But what do you do when that bubble is shattered, when what you have been told to believe and accept as true is suddenly proven to be completely false

 Last week, the moment I heard the atrocities that happened to Leiby Kletzky, my bubble was gone.In the past few years, there have been more and more speeches and meetings about abuse within religious communities. We have all heard multiple opinions and daas torah about it with most of them boiling down to that abuse doesn’t really occur in religious communities, and when on the rare occasion, it does, tell your rabbi and he will deal with it by sending the perpetrator to therapy and 'curing' him

.Whenever I've heard the topic of abuse come up, at least one person will say that most allegations can't be true because Jews don’t hurt other Jews. I've heard that line from rabbis, teachers and parents, all of whom deal with children every single day. And then one day I wake up to hear that a religious Jew murdered an eight year old boy. Jews are human; that means that we each have our own free will to do whatever it is we want with it. Although we don’t want to think about it, there are Jews out there who use their free will to make deplorable choices that can destroy children's and families' lives forever. Just because someone is Jewish does not automatically make him a good person in any way or safe to be around our children. Levi Aron is a 'religious' Jew who murdered and mutilated an eight year old child. There are sick people out there who do sick things. We just need to learn how best to protect ourselves and our children from them.

Statistics show that two out of every five girls and one out of six boys is abused. That means that it is statistically impossible to not know at least one child being abused. It is also extremely likely that in a family of six children at least one of them is being hurt. Granted, the numbers might not be THAT high in the Jewish communities, but it is happening all around us. We need to be aware of it, learn how to protect our children, and in turn, teach our children how to protect themselves.But no matter how aware people are of the problem, abuse can still happen to any child in any family.

 So what do we do if the situation arises where we know a child who is being hurt by someone in their family or their community? Well, we've all been told to go to the rabbis, most of who say that you should not report the abuse, but that they will force the abuser to go to therapy that will cure them from their 'disease'. It is proven that more than 99% of abusers CONTINUE to abuse no matter what amount of therapy they've been through. So in essence, we are just sitting back and letting more and more children get hurt. Is there one rabbi in the world who would say that we should allow Levi Aron out of jail and put him in therapy because we Jews know how to cure people from doing inexplicable acts? He murdered a boy. He needs to be locked up. So how is it that we can't cure a murder but we can cure molesters and child abusers? We 'cure' them and then let them back onto the streets where our children are at their mercy!

The halacha to not report other Jews to the police does not hold in a time of pikuah nefesh. How can children getting abused not be a matter of life and death? A boy just died. Every time a child is abused, a part of him is killed. What is more important than our children?The only way to truly protect our children is be aware of suspected abusers. If the rabbis have lists of who has touched children in the past, than why don’t we have that list? Why don’t we know who we are supposed to be protecting our children from? I don’t care how much therapy he or she has been through; therapists themselves have no idea what triggers abusers to do what they do and therefore can never predict when or if an abuser will strike again. We should be told who in the community might be a danger. I would like to know if my kind sweet neighbor used to be a pedophile. That is important for the protection of klal yisroel and our precious neshamot.The more we realize and learn about child abuse, the more we realize that we need to protect our children. They are our future generations.

 Leiby Kletzky is getting justice but what about the other thousands of kids who have no one to turn to? What about the parents who don’t know who to go to for advice because if who would ever believe them that their child is telling the truth!We are commanded "U'shmartem mi'od le'nafshoseichem". We are responsible to protect ourselves and our children. They are looking to us for guidance and shelter. If we don’t guard our children, then who will?

Dear Rabbis, 
 
I am a frum woman living in your community- the community that you guide with your Torah wisdom.
 The community  where thousands of men use your shuls and shteebelach in which to daven. 
The community  which boasts hundreds of Mikvos, and many many Yeshivos. 
Yes!  I live in your community together with thousands of frum women who cover their heads out of modesty, and who are careful to teach their children about the laws of Loshon Horah and Tznius. 
I live here together with you the Rabbonim your Rebbestzens, and your children and grandchildren.
I live here amongst the woman you see waiting at  their doorsteps every morning for the  buses which  carry their precious Kinderlach to Bais Yaakovs and Yeshivos.
I live in your community and I am one of the women whose husband learns in Kollel, and whose children attend the Yeshivos that you esteemed Rabbis lead Bederech Hatorah.
In addition to being a mother in your community I am also a survivor of child sexual abuse. I was raped and sodomised by my own father from the age of five.
 My father- an honourable man in the community, a man who davens in shul three times a day, and who shakesyour hand every Shabbos.
Pray tell me  dear Rabbis, how raping a child goes hand in hand with learning the Holy Torah?
How can you, in all your wisdom stand by and do NOTHING while small Jewish children in YOUR community are beng raped, molested and abused by your  very  own members?
How can you continue to lead your people towards holiness when the filthiests acts are being perpertrated under your very noses?. 
Terrible acts that you have knowledge of, yet choose to do nothing!
Do you know the long term effects of child sexual abuse?
Do you know the intense emotional pain that I suffer, and how I awaken night after night from nightmares which force me to re-live the rapes night after night.
I have lost faith in you Holy Rabbis.
I have truly lost faith.
I used to be an innocent Bais Yaakov girl, who said Modeh Ani, washed Neigel Vaaser, and went to school eager to soak up the beauty of the Torah.
Alas that very beauty has been taken away from me. 
The trust I had for you the Rabbonim, and the Torah, is slowly but surely seeping out  of my heart.
Every time I hear another story about a Frum child who has been raped and sexually abused, and the rapist is protected by the community's  Rabbis another piece of  Emunah is strippd from my being. 
Every time I read in the newspaper that an Orthodox Jewish child molester is being supported  by prominent Rabbis who vouch for his innocence, my trust in the Torah diminishes.
I am not the only one out here who is a survivor, there are many of us frum men and women who were victims of "Frum abuse". 
Many of the frum victims have no voice at present. 
However the silence has become too loud, and it is time for our voices to be heard.
Please dear Rabbis, do not wait until it is too late.
You still have a chance to rectify and reedeem.
All hope is not lost...
There is still time to act before too many of your innocet children are lost forever.
Do not wait- Act now!
 
 
 

Mon, Aug 10, 2009

To The Editor,

I want to commend you for having the courage to come out in the open and
discuss a topic as controversial and uncomfortable as abuse and
molestation in the frum communities. Please realize that as difficult
as it is for you to write about it, imagine how much more difficult it
is for someone like me, for whom it is a daily reality.
Nobody is quite sure when my abuse started. We assume that it
went on for about five years, before I somehow mustered up the courage
to tell my parents that a close relative of mine was continuously
abusing me. On a steady basis, my privacy and humanity were being
violated in the most horrific ways. It's been ten years since then. Ten
years of therapy, of depression, of medication, of guilt. Ten years in
which the mere mention of my abuser's name sets off panic attacks. Ten
years of nightmares. Ten years of torture.
And the worst part, as Rabbi Lipshitz mentioned, is the shame and
the silence. My very own family members know that I have some 'issues'
but they think it is just me. What they don't know is that it is not me,
but rather a very sick and perverted relative of theirs. What they
don't know is that I suffer silently. I suffer from such a complete
lack of understanding from everyone around me. I am constantly fielding
shidduch calls, but people don't realize that I can't even dream about
going on a date with a man. I have memories that none of my peers can
understand. I have urges to do things that nobody around me can begin
to imagine. I have thoughts, feelings and ideas that would make some of
my friends run from me.
I believe that proper support is the first step towards healing,
and therefore, I am working {together with rabbanim and therapists} to
develop a network of girls from frum homes who have been abused, and
are looking to heal together with me. Please email me: littlesheffele@...
Thank you for your courage, and for your support, and for giving us this voice,

Little Sheep

Jewish Star 
Letter to the Editor 
September 4th, 2009
 
Stop the chain!
  
Abuse is more common in the Jewish community than most people think it is. How can I say that? Well, I am a survivor of abuse, and including myself, I know of five people who were abused within a two-block radius. That is five people too many. Dov Hikind reported getting hundreds of calls from abuse survivors. This means there are probably thousands of Orthodox Jewish people who were or still are being abused.
The abuse that I suffered could have been entirely prevented if I had been educated about this topic at a young age. I went through the Bais Yaakov system and not one teacher discussed this topic. If I had been told the basics about the difference between good touch and bad touch, then my abuse wouldn’t have started in the first place.
As a result of not knowing, I suffered in silence for four terrible years. I am now traumatized for life. I get triggered every single day. Even just walking out of my house brings horrific memories to my mind. I now suffer every day from depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, andborderline personality disorder.
Schools need to teach their students about this topic. Parents also must be educated, especially about the warning signs and symptoms of abuse. Without knowledge, the chain just continues. Shoving the topic under the rug does not make it disappear. Is the Jewish community afraid that something terrible will happen if they educate their children? I asked my therapist why she doesn’t go to schools to teach children, on a basic level, about the topic of abuse. “Schools forbid me from coming,” she replied. Atrocities are being committed because Jewish children are not being educated on the topic of abuse.
The writer Guy Finley once said, “Trying to forget a fear is like trying to hold an inflated basketball under the water. It takes all of your strength and attention, and in time it must pop to the surface.” Making believe that abuse doesn’t occur in the Jewish community makes the situation worse. It rears its ugly head in other ways. For me, my body is covered in scars since that was the only way I knew how to deal with so much inner pain.
 
The chain can be broken if our Jewish children are educated. Education is the only road to prevention. Without education, the chain just continues. Do something about the situation. Stop the chain. Today.

Editor’s note: Name withheld by request due to the sensitive, highly personal nature of the letter.

             Rabbi Mattisyahu Salomon                      
             Mashgiach Ruchani
             Beth Medrash Govoha
             Lakewood, NJ 08701                                                                                                                                                               
                                                                                                                                                                          October 17, 2011
  Dear Rabbi Salomon,

I write to you, not beacuse i think my words will have an impact on you but rather for my own self to feel that i am doing "something- anything".

Many others have written before me, and many more will continue to reach out.
They do not know that it is hopeless, and that you no longer feel the need to pay attention to the words of the rabim.
However i  will put these words down on paper, and i will send them to you, and i will know that i have reached out to you, in order to save the innocent neshomos of those younger and more helpless than you and your entourage        

I am a survivor of sexual molestation.
I grew up in a frum yeshiveshe family, no less. 
I was brought up in a small town in the North of England in a place considered the "jerusalem of europe" - yes, rabbi solomon you know of which place i refer, because you yourself lived there at the same time i did.
I am from gateshead born and bred.
I am frum on the outside, and not so frum on the inside.
My choshuva, yeshiveshe, yichusdike family members are the ones who perpertrated the abuse against myself and many others.
I will not reveal their names, because you know them very well.
You may be shocked to know who these people are, and again you may have known about the abuse for years, and made a  choice  to protect the perpertartors.
I dont know what your role was in gateshead- perhaps you really did not know what was going on in the gateshead shul mikvah, where my little sister  was being molested in between leining and musaf. Maybe u really did not know what my grandfather and father and uncles were doing to our innocent bodies and souls.
However now that you have transfered your rabonus to lakewood NJ, i happen to know first hand of many many cases of sexual abuse that you have failed to report to the secular authorities.

Alllow me to explain the tragedy of this kind of abuse.
I was moletsed the first time when i was only 3 or 4 years old. As my life continued i was molested and abused over and over again by frum family members. I was unable to protect myself due to direct consequence of the  earlier abuse.
I got married to an abusive spouse, and was lucky to escape with my life. I married a second time yet again to an abuser. This time we had a large family together, and the abuse went unoticed by anyone outside the family for many years.
The pain that i and my children, as well as my extended family live with is incredibly difficult.
The nightmares i experience night after night, and the flashbacks are things i am forced to live with every day.
The continuous pain and sorrow follows me like a dark shadow. 
No matter how far i run, i can never escape the memories. I contemplate suicide often for it feels to me my only means of peace.

I am not alone in my suffering, there are many of us out here living our lives in  shameful silent pain.
You rabbi solomon are not only a torah scholar, you are also a leader of a huge community.
You have the power to stop the pain and the silence.
And if you dont, who knows from where our salvation will come?
Please listen to our voices before it is too late!